CHILD ABUSE IN INDIA

child abuse-noun

the physical or emotional or sexual mistreatment of children.

This is the difinition of child abuse I found on the net. Sadly in India physical and emotional mistreatment of children is rampant and practiced in almost every second or third home. Most of the time it is not taken as a form of child abuse. And till now it is still a non-issue. Amongst the poor and the lower middle class it is visible outside the house also, with the middle class it is visible inside the house and in front of outsiders, in the upper middle class it is restricted for the family members and relatives only for viewing and as we go higher in the class structure it becomes less visible but not absent.

Physical mistreatment (within the family)-
Mothers often slap their children, or at times beat them with chapals, brooms and sometimes with sticks. And the same practice is followed by the father. Many a times the father will not use an accessory, as he is man enough to use his power with hands and fists. And the reasons can be – not listening to the mother/father, losing a wristwatch, misplacing something. Please note here that in India as long as the parents are alive children are always seen as children- not adults, a father can slap a 20 yr. old or 30 yr. old or 40 yr. old son/daughter. In many ways it is taken as a form of communication and parents Really believe in the saying ‘ actions speak louder than words.’ So a child will not be asked why she/he came late from school or tuition, just by a question, it will be most likely accompanied with a slap or few. And many times it is a consequence of verbal communication between parents and children. When parents feel threatened by the disobedience of the child or difference of opinion, it results in the parent beating up the child.
Due lack of communication between parents and children, the children can never know what might upset their parents and they get a beating.
Eyewitness accounts:
-Once during a train journey, in the compartment next to mine a one year old was continuously crying. After 10 min. I went over to see what the matter was as it was unbearable to hear the child crying. I don’t know the reason, but the mother was continuously hitting the child. There were about 10 people sitting in that compartment and none of them was objecting to the lady’s action.

Physical mistreatment (outside the family)
Though the govt. has banned corporal punishment in schools it is still practiced but in a mild way. Only when the consequences are severe, that the incident becomes national news. Why I mention this here is that the govt. or the society has acknowledged beating/ physical assault in schools as a thing to do away with but physical mistreatment by the parent over her/his own child is not an issue. No one has the right to hit my child but I have all the rights to beat my child to death.
Moving outside the family, now let us look at the maidservant at home. Yes we Indians proudly practice child labour at home. Very often one can find 10-year olds 12 years old working as maids. These children are made to work from morning till night. They are under fed and often beaten for petty things. ( Please check this link for a horrifying incident- http://www.saveindianfamily.org/blogs/2006/07/03/rape-murder-bywoman/ )
Even though the master beats the maid, it is also a message for the children at home to beware of dire consequences in case of any disobedience.

Emotional mistreatment
If a conventional Indian parent will read this she/he will think I am naïve and when I will have children of my own only then I will understand the need for all this beating.
But why do parents need to scar their own children? I fail to understand.
‘You are good for nothing.’
‘ Are you blind? Can’t you see this, can’t you see that?’
‘Look at so and so she is much smarter than you. He is much more intelligent than you.’
‘ Are you capable of nothing else?’
Yes these are some encouraging words often said to one’s own child-anytime. Many times at home in privacy and many times in front of friends and relatives.
I remember once a father was complaining about his daughter his friend. Just at that moment she entered the room and he said- “ I think she is mentally retarded “

Sexual mistreatment

A joint family structure gives ample reasons for pedophiles to do whatever they feel like. We Indians have a lot of faith in all the relatives. No one will fear leaving their young ones in the company of uncles and aunts. If not the uncle it will be the faithful domestic help at home. The child out of shame and guilt will never speak about the abuse. And even if one does NO ONE will believe her/him. It will never be accepted for the reason that such things do not exist. Well the reason for this can be lack of education and lack of awareness.
Even when the victim does get the courage to speak up, the matter is hushed up to protect the family name and there is no counseling for the traumatized victim. If you have seen Monsoon wedding by Mira Nair , that is exactly how an Indian family would deal with such an issue. But not all abused girls are as bold as the character in the film , that they leave the house.

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Recently with the media becoming more active sexual child abuse cases have been seen in the news, though such a thing is not talked about socially. But people seem to be becoming cautious. But it is only sexual abuse of children which is an accepted fact. Physical and emotional abuse has still to be listed in the definition of child abuse in India. Because parents in India do not know how not to slap , bash and mentally demoralize their own child.