Being a sikh

Last week I had an interesting conversation with the grocery uncle(in India all elderly men are uncles)But first some background to it. All sikhs are reqiured to use a middle name which defines their gender-'Kaur' for females and 'Singh' for males.It is also like a symbol of religion, so anyone with a 'Kaur' as their middle name is a sikh.(But the same cannot be said for males as many rajputs and haryanvi jats also use 'singh').The origin of this is very different than its present application. The intention was that all sikhs-male and females would not use their sirnames,but only Kaur or Singh.This effort was to eradicate the caste system.Sadly now it has become more like a fanatic identity issue.

Uncle:what is your name
Me:Manmeet
U:no full name
M:Manmeet
U:are you sikh?
M:...................
U:why don't you use 'kaur'?
M:coz my parents never did.
U:don't you think you should use it?
M:no,I don't think so

He gestures me to come behind the counter and sit next to him,but I refuse.
So he asks me .
U:do you go to the gurudwara?
M:no
U:why?
M:I don't feel the need to
U:what are you saying?
M:you know uncle this gurudwara down the street, have you seen the ladies going to the gurudwara in rickshaws?the moment they get off the rickshaw they start haggling with the rickshaw walla over the price he asks.How does that make sense?
Ignoring my response uncle continues.
U:do you do 'paath'(reading of daily scriptures)?
M: 'paath' nahin pyar kardi han.(not 'paath' but love)

Uncle becomes silent for some time,while I continue with my shopping.Then again.

U:How many Gurus can you name?
M:Guru Nanak, Guru Gobind,Guru Angad Dev, Guru Arjun Dev...................
U:Do you know their teachings?
M:not entirely but I know ,none of them ever put a boundation of going to the gurudwara daily...
U:what is the harm in going to the gurudwara?
M:there is no harm,but I think if I practice their thoughts and teaching it will be more meaningful.
U:oho...let me give you an example-I have this shop where I sell all sorts of things.......
Cutting him short I say
M:do you know when Guru Nanak was made to sit in his father's shop,he gave away all the things for free?
U:(without trying to get irritated,he says very calmly) no you listen please.....
M:sorry uncle I have to go home,I will meet you again next month.
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Love marriage Vs Arranged marriage

This is one of the favourite topics among Indians-those who belong to either of the categories/ late teenagers/parents of teenagers/parents of unmarried children and so on.
No love marriage has not overtaken the traditional arranged marriage in India till now and god only knows if it will ever happen.
Love marriage has always been looked down upon.Mostly it is seen as a defiance aganist parents ,as only parents have the correct knowlege to make the right decision for a life long match for their children. Children(who are legally adults) ,even if they are educated,doing jobs,many managing their lives in cities/countries away from home, looking after family bussiness-can never be right about the their choice of a life paterner. Only the parents can decide correctly if their daughter/son can live her/his life with so and so............There are times when the parents might be right BUT not always.

THE MEETING BEFORE MARRIAGE
The common denominator is marriage ,what is diffrent is the preceding word-love vs arranged. The diffrence is that in a love marriage the individuals make their own decision,while in an arranged marriage the choice is of the parents. Now here many would argue that-"no my parents let me make the choice, I was introduced to the girl/boy,I even met her/him before marriage."Fair enough. Yes now adays the boy and girl meet before marriage(as opposed to our parents times) but here I would like to hightlight some details. It is only when the families have met each other or one should say when the parents(boy's and girl's) have made their choice before hand that those, whose lives matter, are allowed to meet. When the financial background of the groom has gone through the checklist and the background of the girl and her family has been scrutinised, the castes have matched,the religion has matched,the status has matched-only then such a meeting is arranged.(It is quite funny when people say-I don't believe in caste- yet they marry within their own caste!)so now the girl and boy are allowed a meeting of about half an hour,at times only ten minutes.....or more.And then THE decision has to be made.Seems quite democratic! "So is it a yes my dear"...................god forbid if I say no...Now when one says no....I don't know about men but for the girls I can say........What is wrong with him?he has a good job,own house ,property ,height?what else do you want?All the brothers, sisters, masis ,mamis ,tais ,chachis ,will pounce on you."everything is fine beta what is the problem?"
And so it goes on till finally it is a yes, if not for him then him then him then him............
So much for a democratic decision!Thank the constitution for my fundamental rights.

PROS AND CONS
Everything has its pros and cons.
When it is an arranged marriage you get all the family support.Every body loves you-all the realatives.You are well respected, your spouse is loved and respected.You get dowry,a sweet honeymoon, your desired diamonds or gold, your dream wedding dress-a big fat wedding.

Now a love marriage cannot ensure all of these. If your parents are liberal then it is fine but if not,then don't expect any love or respect from anyone.Or any dowry or diamonds.You are on your own.Thats the punishment for falling in love,loving outside your catse and community.Defying your parents for falling in love and then daring to take your own decision.

If that is the price to pay ,then so be it.

The wonderful thing about a love marriage is, it is outside the boundaries of caste,creed and religion and age. You don't check the credentials of your lover-you just fall in love. That is the reason why some are against love marriages-it breaks all the traditional norms.And that is what scares people-for it is lovers who ACTUALLY don't believe in caste or religion or class...............